Waiting on “Dick” ---- all names have been changed to further throw daggers at an inconsiderate bastard.

A few weeks ago, our hero’s Blackberry rang and a familiar voice from the past not too long ago was on the other end - Dick.

“Just wanted to let you know that I would be in town for a wedding June 9th and just let me know where you will be ‘cause I’m coming to see you. I’ll rent a car if I have to.”
“No problem, man. I think I can make it to New Orleans and I will meet up with you there.”

A plan was made and as weeks went by the day came closer. Arrangements were made on our hero’s behalf and previous plans were broken, all in the name of Dick.

“You’re not going to the shower?” Hero’s future-wife said of her brother’s baby’s momma’s baby shower she was throwing. “She wants you to be there.”
“No, I’ve made plans to meet my old friend in New Orleans.”
“You know we have our last meeting with the church before we get married at 8:30 Sunday morning. How are you going to meet with Dick and make it to Thibodaux from New Orleans?”
“I’ll be there, I promise.”
“You have to be. We paid $70 to go to this and it’s non-refundable. I know you’re gonna drink when you’re with Dick in New Orleans and I don’t know how you think you are going to make it.”
“Don’t worry, I will.”

As the day got closer, he noticed there had been no word or communication from Dick. The Wednesday before Dick’s arrival in Louisiana, our hero called to make sure the plans were still a go.

“You still coming?”
“Yeah. I’m still going to be there.”
“Cool, well I’m going to the city on Friday and will probably go to a Zephyr’s game with Dan and Esther.”
“Oh, you’re going to be there Friday night? Well, I don’t think I have anything planned that night, I might meet up with you then.”
“That would be great if you could. I have this thing in Thibodaux Sunday and if we could meet up Friday night, I can be there for it and get some rest since it is going to last all day.”
“OK I will see if I can get there. I’m flying in, so I don’t have a car. But I’ll try and get there.”
“Cool, let me know if you find one and when we can meet up. We won’t go to the game if you’re gonna be able to make it to the city by then.”

As a loaded truck with our hero and some road smokes cranked into life a call was made to Dick.

“You here?”
“Yeah, been in town since last night.”
“Cool. Any thoughts on what you are doing tonight?”
“Not going to make it there. No way I can borrow a car.”
“That’s fine. Just let me know what time I can meet up with you Saturday. I’m heading in to the city anyway for the game so I will be around.”

Our hero spent his night at a minor league baseball game, drank three 24 oz. beers, started to hangover by the 7th inning, threw tennis balls onto the field at a bucket and saw the most fireworks he had seen since Disney World. Afterwards, hero and friends walked through the sweaty summer of the French Quarter and settled inside the air conditioning of Harrah’s near the newly installed dancing ladies. 2:30 a.m. came quickly and I crashed on a futon only to be awakened five hours later by a leaf blower.

I lay there with a tiny headache left over from the night before and thought about what would keep us busy today. I knew it would be late before Dick showed up and his schedule depended on a wedding, but a time frame would be useful. I text messaged the question to the other side of the pond since he was in Mandeville and got a response of “7 no later than 8.” The hero’s trio spent lunch at Lager’s, a tour of Ansel Adams prints at the New Orleans Museum of Art, snowballs at Sal’s and even had time to watch a movie. At 7:45 that night, I shot another text message, since of course, there was yet again no word from Dick to ask if he had made it there yet. A short response followed that simply said, “no.” The trio decided to have dinner. At 10 that night, our hero made a decision. If Dick can’t call and estimate how much longer Hero would be waiting, Hero wouldn’t wait any more. The truck loaded up again, his lovely hosts were thanked for their hospitality and headlights pointed south to Thibodaux. An hour after his arrival, pretty close to midnight, the Blackberry rang. It was the Dick.

“Hey man, I’m here. Where are you?”
“In Thibodaux.”
“What? You left?
“Yeah, couldn’t sit and wait any longer. I got shit to do tomorrow.”
“You just left?? You didn’t even call me and say you were leaving!!”
“That’s right, I didn’t call. Just like you motherfucker! You said no later than 8. It’s fucking midnight.” Our hero will never forget Dick’s retort to this.”
“I was getting drunk at the reception! You can’t expect me to be responsible!”
“And you can’t expect me to wait until you decide to show up without enough courtesy to say when it might be. Hell, you haven’t had enough courtesy to call me and tell me anything.”
“Well that’s just great.” whined Dick as he started to spew his self-pity. “None of my Louisiana friends showed up.”
“None of your friends showed up? Don’t you lump me into that group! I was fucking there. I fucking waited all I could. I’m just not dumb enough to waste any more of my time on someone so shitty they can’t even call say it’s gonna be later than originally thought. I would still be there if you could have done that.”

Hero left the conversation, happy he said what he did and was glad he was not going without sleep for this Dick. He was also happy none of the time spent in New Orleans was anything but good. With or without his reason for going.